AloneinthechapelofhopeonChristmasEveReverendBernicehatesChristmas,sincehermotherwascarriedoffbyPapaLazaroudisguisedasSantaClauswhenshewasachild.Shehasthreevisitors.ThefirstisCharlieHull,convincedfromhisrecurringnightmarethathiswifeStellaisusingavoodoocovencalledtheSolutionstostophimwinningtheline-dancecontest.ThenanoldmanwhovisitedHerrLippandhiswifein1975recountsthesagaofLipp’sfascinationwithcuteyoungchoirboyMatthewandhisbeliefthatLippwasavampire.FinallyChinnerycomestounburdenhimselfastowhyheissuchabadvet.InVictoriantimeshisgreat-great-grandfather,thefinestvetinEngland,cametoRoystonVaseybutwastrickedintotouchingthewrongmonkey’stesticle,asaresultofwhichallsucceedingvetsinthefamilyhavebeencursed.BernicefeelshappierafterconsolingChinnerybutsheisunawarethathistoryisabouttorepeatitself.